The Sin of Thin

The Sin of Thin

This is an article about the prejudices “skinny” people deal with. The American population is led to believe that everyone in the USA is obese or walking a fine line towards it, and that the answer is always to lose weight, exercise and get healthy. Though this may be true for many- it is not true for all. In fact, Carrie Vantresca- founder of Clubskinny.com, which is a designer denim company marketed to thin women says, “It’s no sin to be thin. And if you are among the 14% of American women who wear a size 4 or smaller then you finally have choices.” Yes, we have choices in jeans- but what about other people’s misconceptions?

I’m constantly bombarded with messages from books, magazines and commercials on how to lose weight, say good-bye to fat, and how to enrich my life by getting thinner. I’ve read how a simple airplane seat can produce terror in an obese person, and how anxiety builds when a heavy-set lady goes to shop for clothes at a mall store. Most everyone remembers the Tyra Banks undercover story where she wore a “fat suit” and went shopping. I, too, felt disgust and rage at the way overweight people were treated in that episode. 

But, I think another segment of society is also criticized though no one ever seems to broach the subject. When I tell friends I’m trying to gain a little weight, I get the eye-roll, the shake of the head, and last week a neighbor even told me, “You better watch your words. Do you know how many women hate you when you say that?”

Seriously, she actually had the nerve to say that to my face! But I’m forced to listen to women drone on and on about their diets and how hard they’re trying to lose weight (sometimes while literally shoving an entire pie down their throats). Am I supposed to look at them guiltily, as if it’s my fault I’m thin and they’re not? Am I supposed to offer words of comfort?

Why? I don’t get encouraging words? I get dirty looks and back-handed comments that would never be accepted by an over-weight person. Here’s an example: I was eating at a  Super Bowl  party, chewing my shrimp and dipping nachos in some hummus when a woman walks up to me and says, “God, I wish I could stuff my face like that and still have the figure of a 12 year old.”  I just stared at her stunned. Did she think that was a compliment? To be 41 years old and told I look like a gangly pre-pubescent teen?  Or how about those who love to ask me my weight? I get that all the time. I’ll hear, “So, what are you up to now- about a buck soaking wet?” And then the women will laugh and add-“Are you shopping in the kids’ department with your daughters now?”  How do I respond to these catty comments? If the reverse had been said to one of them I’d be the devil incarnate.  I mean picture it- “So Julie, what are you? - tipping about 350 on the scale now? You look great though- really- that size 26 Lane Bryant sequined dress is a stunner!” Ok, so hopefully you get my drift of how reverse social stigmas directed at thin people happen every day.

But that’s exactly why I wanted others to read this. So maybe they’d think before they speak.

 I have Celiac disease. And as this disease gets more and more notoriety, as it should, since it’s estimated that up to 15% of the US population has intolerance to gluten, then more people than ever are going to be affected. According to the National Digestive Diseases Information Clearinghouse website, more than 2 million people in the United States have celiac disease. This averages out to about 1 in every 133 people. Weight loss is a usual symptom, but so are instances of colon cancer, osteoporosis, abdominal pain, bloating, gas, and a whirlwind of other problems. What people don’t realize when they say sarcastically, “how nice it would be to be your size,” is that I’ve been hospitalized three times, fight fatigue daily and have been put on liquid diets twice when I was a mere 92 lbs to give my stomach “bowel rest.” I have a B12 deficiency, tooth enamel loss, and a myriad of other issues that no one would want to ever deal with- all because my intestines can’t hold on to the nutrients it needs.

But too often, people don’t take the time to know this before telling me, “You have no idea what it’s like to diet. You’re so thin, I have to watch everything I eat or I’ll gain weight.” Are you kidding me? I can’t eat anything with wheat, barley, rye or (contaminated) oats. Bread, pizza, pasta, flour, subs; even soy sauce makes me violently ill. So, please be a little understanding when you make assumptions against the thin. They may be fighting a war you can’t see.

This isn’t an article to pit skinny people against overweight people. It is meant to help expose the negative criticisms that many thin people face daily. Being lean isn’t always a blessing. Many times, it feels like a sin.

Source:

http://www.clubskinny.com/about-us.aspx

http://digestive.niddk.nih.gov/ddiseases/pubs/celiac/index.htm

Why I chose a C section.

To C or not to C- That is the question

     Five weeks before her due date, my second daughter decided to scare me by giving me contractions that were 7 minutes apart and lasted for about 4 hours before they stopped. We went to the hospital and after another 8 hours, the nurses finally sent me home. But they said I’d probably be back before the weekend was over since I was dilated 4 inches already. Don’t get me wrong- I was more than ready to have the baby- but five weeks early was too darn soon. Who cares if I had the nursery set and the clothes and diapers ready? That was a piece of cake. I had her older sister 16 ½ months earlier so most things had never even been packed up. But five weeks early created problems like worrying that her lungs were not developed or that because she was already weighing in over 7 lbs, she may have insulin issues. I had gestational diabetes with the first child but not with the second; which by the way is extremely rare. Once you have it with one, you’re almost guaranteed to have it again.

     So I made the call to my mom and told her she might want to book an earlier flight to Florida since it didn’t appear this baby was going to wait. But then… you guessed it, my daughter decided to just hang out and give me false contractions daily. It got to the point where I just ignored them.  And though I found it extremely weird to imagine my birth canal was stretched large enough to fit a grapefruit through, I decided not to dwell on it. I had bi-weekly appointments for monitoring, and discovered that my doctor wanted to measure the baby’s length and width in utero.

     Thankfully, I had the same wonderful OBGYN who had delivered my first daughter, Peyton. The Doctor had seen how much pulling and tugging (and tearing) my 7lb 5 oz baby had caused me, and wanted to make sure this time wouldn’t be as traumatic. (We discovered at about 6 weeks of age that Peyton had torticollis. This can happen when they’re packaged too tightly and their neck won’t move so one side of the neck muscles is always in the stretched out state while the other side with muscles is always in a shorter non-flexed state. It’s hard to tell at birth because the baby isn’t strong enough to hold up their heavy head in the first place, but as they get older, you’ll notice. They always turn to one side and their head and ear will lean heavily on one shoulder. It took 6 months of physical therapy, a neck brace, and daily stretching exercises at least 10 times a day to get it corrected. Imagine how you feel with a crick in your neck. Now picture a huge giant twisting it, turning it and pulling it 10 times a day for 20 reps each stretch. I can honestly say I didn’t have a happy child that first year. She was miserable and in constant pain. And every time my husband and I had to perform these stretches I bawled like a baby myself. It’s no wonder my Doctor wanted to see how this new baby was settled in the womb. She delivered my beautiful, but slightly contorted, little girl the first time and knew the terror I felt.  If it was preventable, she didn’t want to have it happen again- so that’s why she measured.      And we’re glad she did because we saw that my second daughter was already bigger than my first one had been at birth, and this was a month before her due date. She was going to be too wide to fit through my pelvic canal without doing serious damage to her tiny body. I remember my doctor telling me that a C-section should be scheduled because if I tried to deliver naturally I would most likely dislocate her shoulder trying to push her out. Limb paralysis and other scary scenarios were laid out before me so that I could make a choice. There was no choice. In my mind, a C-section was the only way.  So, we scheduled a Caesarean the earliest date allowed and that was for about 10 days before her actual due date. Her lungs were expected to be fine. She certainly weighed enough and I finally could prepare for the big day. Right?

Wrong!

     My daughter decided that enough was enough and she was ready to see God’s green earth 2 weeks early. I went into labor and we made our way to the hospital. I was already 8 centimeters dilated but it was midnight and the anesthesiologist wasn’t there. And my beloved OBGYN doctor wasn’t on call that night! So, I had to wait, and wait, and wait. I wasn’t allowed an epidural or pain medicine because they knew I was supposed to have a C section, but they couldn’t prep me for that till everyone was in house. I remember yelling- “What if she gets stuck before you can cut her out?” Sorry, but delivering my question in a delicate, ladylike fashion was the least of my worries as I rocked pitifully in pain in my hospital gown waiting for another OBGYN.

     Finally, the team  arrived and within minutes, I was wheeled into the operating room and presented with a healthy 7 lb 13 oz beautiful baby girl. She was perfect in every way and I can unashamedly say she still is.

      It’s funny because many times a pregnancy and the birth can reveal characteristics that will stay with them as they grow. For instance- my first born who stayed cramped in one place, rarely moved in the womb, and was a piece of cake the entire pregnancy; she is still like that. She is calm, patient, easy-going, never in a hurry to go anywhere, and is the laid-back quiet child she appeared to be in the womb. My other daughter, Kendall, is the complete opposite. She is impatient, can’t sit still, loves to be on the go, and reminds me of a hummingbird flitting from flower to flower never satisfied to stay in one spot. So take note of your changing body and how your child reacts during pregnancy. It may be a great indicator of what you’ll be raising the next 18 years!

-          Tammy Fitzherbert

P.S. – If you have any questions for me about torticollis, feel free to shoot me an email and I’ll try to answer any questions you may have.

                                 

To C or Not To C (Why I chose to have a C section)

To C or not to C- That is the question

     Five weeks before her due date, my second daughter decided to scare me by giving me contractions that were 7 minutes apart and lasted for about 4 hours before they stopped. We went to the hospital and after another 8 hours, the nurses finally sent me home. But they said I’d probably be back before the weekend was over since I was dilated 4 inches already. Don’t get me wrong- I was more than ready to have the baby- but five weeks early was too darn soon. Who cares if I had the nursery set and the clothes and diapers ready? That was a piece of cake. I had her older sister 16 ½ months earlier so most things had never even been packed up. But five weeks early created problems like worrying that her lungs were not developed or that because she was already weighing in over 7 lbs, she may have insulin issues. I had gestational diabetes with the first child but not with the second; which by the way is extremely rare. Once you have it with one, you’re almost guaranteed to have it again.

     So I made the call to my mom and told her she might want to book an earlier flight to Florida since it didn’t appear this baby was going to wait. But then… you guessed it, my daughter decided to just hang out and give me false contractions daily. It got to the point where I just ignored them.  And though I found it extremely weird to imagine my birth canal was stretched large enough to fit a grapefruit through, I decided not to dwell on it. I had bi-weekly appointments for monitoring, and discovered that my doctor wanted to measure the baby’s length and width in utero.

     Thankfully, I had the same wonderful OBGYN who had delivered my first daughter, Peyton. The Doctor had seen how much pulling and tugging (and tearing) my 7lb 5 oz baby had caused me, and wanted to make sure this time wouldn’t be as traumatic. (We discovered at about 6 weeks of age that Peyton had torticollis. This can happen when they’re packaged too tightly and their neck won’t move so one side of the neck muscles is always in the stretched out state while the other side with muscles is always in a shorter non-flexed state. It’s hard to tell at birth because the baby isn’t strong enough to hold up their heavy head in the first place, but as they get older, you’ll notice. They always turn to one side and their head and ear will lean heavily on one shoulder. It took 6 months of physical therapy, a neck brace, and daily stretching exercises at least 10 times a day to get it corrected. Imagine how you feel with a crick in your neck. Now picture a huge giant twisting it, turning it and pulling it 10 times a day for 20 reps each stretch. I can honestly say I didn’t have a happy child that first year. She was miserable and in constant pain. And every time my husband and I had to perform these stretches I bawled like a baby myself. It’s no wonder my Doctor wanted to see how this new baby was settled in the womb. She delivered my beautiful, but slightly contorted, little girl the first time and knew the terror I felt.  If it was preventable, she didn’t want to have it happen again- so that’s why she measured.      And we’re glad she did because we saw that my second daughter was already bigger than my first one had been at birth, and this was a month before her due date. She was going to be too wide to fit through my pelvic canal without doing serious damage to her tiny body. I remember my doctor telling me that a C-section should be scheduled because if I tried to deliver naturally I would most likely dislocate her shoulder trying to push her out. Limb paralysis and other scary scenarios were laid out before me so that I could make a choice. There was no choice. In my mind, a C-section was the only way.  So, we scheduled a Caesarean the earliest date allowed and that was for about 10 days before her actual due date. Her lungs were expected to be fine. She certainly weighed enough and I finally could prepare for the big day. Right?

Wrong!

     My daughter decided that enough was enough and she was ready to see God’s green earth 2 weeks early. I went into labor and we made our way to the hospital. I was already 8 centimeters dilated but it was midnight and the anesthesiologist wasn’t there. And my beloved OBGYN doctor wasn’t on call that night! So, I had to wait, and wait, and wait. I wasn’t allowed an epidural or pain medicine because they knew I was supposed to have a C section, but they couldn’t prep me for that till everyone was in house. I remember yelling- “What if she gets stuck before you can cut her out?” Sorry, but delivering my question in a delicate, ladylike fashion was the least of my worries as I rocked pitifully in pain in my hospital gown waiting for another OBGYN.

     Finally, the team  arrived and within minutes, I was wheeled into the operating room and presented with a healthy 7 lb 13 oz beautiful baby girl. She was perfect in every way and I can unashamedly say she still is.

      It’s funny because many times a pregnancy and the birth can reveal characteristics that will stay with them as they grow. For instance- my first born who stayed cramped in one place, rarely moved in the womb, and was a piece of cake the entire pregnancy; she is still like that. She is calm, patient, easy-going, never in a hurry to go anywhere, and is the laid-back quiet child she appeared to be in the womb. My other daughter, Kendall, is the complete opposite. She is impatient, can’t sit still, loves to be on the go, and reminds me of a hummingbird flitting from flower to flower never satisfied to stay in one spot. So take note of your changing body and how your child reacts during pregnancy. It may be a great indicator of what you’ll be raising the next 18 years!

-          Tammy Fitzherbert

P.S. – If you have any questions for me about torticollis, feel free to shoot me an email and I’ll try to answer any questions you may have.

Summer Camp answers

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It costs only 1.99 but will save you thousands every summer. It's called How to Get Summer Camp for Free. And even if you don't have a kindle, you can download it to your pc and read it from there. I know it works, because it's what I do with my kids every summer!

Mommy Stress ~AKA~ Why do we feel So Guilty?

Mommy Stress - Easy Tips to Help You Overcome It!

By Tammy Fitzherbert

Ads by Google

Many times an overworked mom tries to do more instead of less. She believes the new activity will renew her, and reduce her tiredness. Huh? What wacko came up with that idea? I mean it even sounds stupid? Seriously, if you're already tired, adding more to your plate isn't going to re-energize you. It's not like adding a Red Bull to vodka! So why do women do it? Why do they all say, "When I relax, I feel so guilty?"
Men don't use this approach. I mean, really, when was the last time a man looked at you with sleep-deprived eyes and said, "You stay in bed honey, it's my turn. I know you've had a long day. I'll go warm the bottle, feed the baby, change him, rock him and get him back to sleep. In fact, I'll get the coffee pot ready for in the morning and iron my shirt so don't you worry about it. That way you can sleep in sweetie?" Yeah, as if!
If they're like my husband, they don't ever feel guilty for relaxing. My man can sleep through the night- all night- oblivious to the childrens nightmares. He doesn't hear the pitter-patter of little feet at the edge of our bed crying, "Mommy, Mommy, my bed is all wet!" (Notice- even at their tender young age, they know which name to cry out in the after-hours.) He'd never hear them! He slept through a stage 4 hurricane three years ago! We had an 18 month old and a newborn- he never even budged! My husband that is, not the kids. We were up all night shaking like a leaf! It's amazing how a man can wake up after a good 8 hours or more of sleep and be refreshed. They then go off to their jobs and, at most, work 10 to 12 hours and get to socialize with other adults, in a semi-normal environment- (i.e.- no temper tantrums, diaper changing, or biting episodes generally occur at a man's workplace.) They then come home to the delightful cheering of their kids, feeling like a Rock Star. The men receive a hero's welcome when they return. The delightful tune of "Daddy, Daddy, Daddy's home!" echoes across the foyer as the Prince returns to his castle.
If you're the wife, though, you're lucky if you get a peck on the cheek, a quick nod, or some other gesture that signifies they know you're around. They then grab a beer, pick up the remote, kick their feet up in the recliner and breathe a long sigh. Then...the 3 little words you've waited for all day are spoken... "What's for Dinner?"
Oh, don't you just want to kill him? Of course you've had time to prepare dinner- in between nursing, washing, diaper changes, toilet-training, feeding, clothing, more butt-wiping, nail clippings, hair combing, and somewhere in between all that you managed the grocery shopping, the house cleaning, paying the bills, picking up the dry-cleaning and buying your mother-in-law a birthday present from her devoted son, and then mailing it after signing his name to it! Yes the list goes on and on. And you haven't even had a shower all day and it's already 6pm. Well, do you know what happens to the woman trying to be Supermom? On 3 Hours of very interrupted sleep? She gets Stressed out!
Some symptoms stress can cause in women mothering young children are exhaustion, sluggishness, irritability, depression and impatience. Does any of this sound like something you would want to list as qualities on your resume? Because surely this was a job we felt qualified to do when we signed up to be a mother, right? Wrong!
I didn't sign up for this. See, moms are never off-duty. We work 24 hours a day with no vacations, paid holidays or normal benefits. "Moms of pre-schoolers are said to be the most exhausted, fatigued and worn-out strata of our society. Functioning on little sleep, unbalanced nutrition, little exercise and frazzled nerves..."(from "What Every Mom Needs" by Elissa Margaret and Carol Kuykendall).
So what are some ways you can stop having the very life sucked out of you? One way is to realize you can not take care of others if you're not healthy yourself- this means mentally and physically. It's not selfish to look out for number one in this case. It's self-preservation. As the saying goes, "If momma ain't happy, nobody's happy."
So what do we do? What are some easy ways to alleviate stress while still living in the same home, with the same children and the same husband? Yes, the idea here is to help change you- Not hire a nanny, run off with the pool boy and forget your last name! This is real life. And unless you're living in a Danielle Steel novel, we must learn to deal with the life we've chosen - the grass is not always greener on the other side, especially if you have to mow it. Take it from me, I do the housework and the landscaping. So let's deal with the obvious and start looking at life with a new positive goal in mind.
One goal needs to be to learn to laugh more. Laughing is proven to ease strain and relieve tension. It's even been said we're happier, saner, and even more physically fit when we laugh. I tested that philosophy on every level when I last went to the gym. I laughed at myself trying to get more physically fit but I never even left the dressing room. I must have been insane because I was trying to fit into my lycra running pants (pre-pregnancy size, of course), and my old sports bra (the cute perky size C cups), when I literally peed all over myself. My poor chest size had shriveled to an A minus! There was no perk in them, and after all that milking, I mean nursing, I was left with two children that should grow up to be linebackers, but left with a chest that looks like pancakes with a cherry on top. I swear, I just started laughing hysterically. My breasts were the flattest thing on my body. I had rolls bulging from above and below the sports bra. From under my arms, behind my back, and over my backyard. But there' wasn't a roll to be found in my bra. Anyway, with that visual in your mind, picture me looking at myself in the gym mirror.
I'm standing there surrounded by Barbie wanna-bees in tight thongs, silicone breasts, and legs the size of my pinkie finger. But my reflection looked more like a rabid Sharpeii hiding in my underwear and trying it's best to squeeze out of my spandex waistband before it died of strangulation. And for all you moms of the Disney era, I'm not talking about the skinny toothpick Sharpay on High School musical here. I'm talking about the fat Chinese dog with all the wrinkles! Now, that was ugly. But it was laughable. But my bladder control after delivering two babies, wasn't. I couldn't make it out of that dressing room quick enough. I left my puddle, my spandex, and my dignity behind. See laughter can be good! And according to some more medical studies, it's even said to exercise the abdomen, improve muscle tone and increase circulation. Heavy laughter several times a day can have the benefits of 10 minutes of vigorous exercise. That's great since I never made it to the workout machines.
And as my husband likes to point out, nightly... the last time I had ten minutes of "vigorous exercise," I found myself pulling out a pregnancy stick two weeks later. (His kind way of letting me know we haven't had sex in...forever, or at least since the kids were born.) But that just brings me to my next way to relieve stress.
Good old fashioned sex. Yes, intimacy, a feeling of connectedness, which allows you to receive close physical contact that recognizes you for a woman, and not just a mom. These are all natural needs. And these needs when filled, (even when it's the last possible thing you want to add to your To-Do list), will release endorphins, help reconnect you and your partner, and if you're lucky, have mind-blowing, orgasmic repercussions. Seriously, sex is a great tool for stress-relief, and it may be just the vehicle you need to get your husband out of that recliner.
Which leads me to the next tip- Ask for Help! You can only do so much by yourself. Now don't try to prove me wrong here. Don't go out and have 8 babies on top of your 6 already just to prove you can do it all! No, no, no! Don't try to be a Superstar Mom. This isn't Kate plus 8 or Octo-mom. This is reality. I'm speaking of normal happenings in an everyday life that occur in most average households with a mom and kids. Many activities are always taking place. The help I'm referring to here isn't welfare or paparazzi publications. I'm talking about genuine help that comes from admitting that raising children is hard, and it's easier when it can be shared. Shared by your partner, your family, your friends and your neighbors! You are not Superwoman! Believing you are creates a very tired, angry, resentful, and ultimately unhappy mom. A stressed-out mom! Raising children is difficult, plain and simple. So why does it seem that asking for help seems even harder? Why do moms feel like it's the same as admitting they're failures? Even Jesus had disciples! My answer to you is - Get over it! Unless you're Angelina- complete with a couple of nannies, a housekeeper, a secretary, a personal cook, a fitness trainer and a fashion coordinator, then you're going to have to ask for help sometimes! Accept it. I know it's hard. I've learned it firsthand.
Several weeks ago I went to my yearly gynecological exam. My normal doctor, who is female, wasn't available. So while my two little ones are watching me lie there naked in stirrups, a man who isn't their father walked in. They looked a bit shocked, but said nothing. The exam began and my daughters were secretly watching, even though I had asked them to sit behind the wall where the changing area was. Then to my horror, while he was doing his probe, my 4 year old piped up innocently, "momma, why is that man sticking his finger in your privates?" Well, I had my own questions to answer at that point. Like, "Why didn't I just let the neighbor watch them when she offered?" She knew I had a doctor's appointment, and she said it would be her pleasure. But what did I say? I said, "Oh no, they'll be fine. They go with me everywhere, really, it's no big deal. Thanks anyway." Yada Yada Yada. What was I trying to prove? Who was I trying to impress? Why was I so proud? Of course hindsight really is 20/20. And though I doubt they'll have any psychological damage from witnessing this at 3 and 4 years of age, I'll have a hard time explaining it around the family Christmas table should it ever come up in dinner conversation. Oh yeah, I can see it now, "Hey maw-maw, do you go to the doctor where a man gets to stick...?" Agghh!
Anyway, I hope my point here is made. We all need to acknowledge the fact that accepting help is a useful tool in reducing stress. Whether the help be in the form of babysitting, dinner, carpools, housework, or just a listening ear, we need to be able to ask for assistance. It makes you more approachable and is a good teaching tool for your children as well. There's something I read once that said a mother who does it all develops a child who can't do anything.
O.K, if simple things like laughter, sex, and accepting a little help can reduce major stress-causing symptoms like anxiety, fatigue, depression, and resentment, what are you waiting for? It's not like I'm telling you to go run 3 miles a day or change your diet! These are easy, fun, tried and true ways to help you cope with the daily stress you're dealing with as a mother. What are you waiting for? Take your kids to a babysitter (or Grandma's house), pull down the sheets, pop a comedy in the DVD player, and snuggle up with your husband for some alone time. Chill out, laugh, and maybe even get frisky under the covers. Now doesn't that sound like an interesting way to relieve stress?

I bet you thought this article was going to include tips like exercise, changing your diet, volunteering, or meditation techniques. Sorry, not my style baby! My advice is to just enjoy what you've got, take it one day at a time and count your blessings. It will all pass way too quickly. Like we always hear, "They'll be all grown up before you know it." Don't miss the ride!