Are your kids scared of sleeping over at a friend's house? How old are they? How well do you know your kid's friends' parents?

My daughters are now 10 and 9 years old. And to be blunt- they are fearless! They have the personality of their father- the eternal optimist. Famous conversations in our home usually begin and end with "It will all work out."

So when they invite close friends over to our house-(friends that we know and have known for the last 4 years; so close we even vacation with them and share a rental with for a week at a time!!!) to a birthday slumber party or a simple sleepover- they are shocked to hear,"No".

 My daughter's very best friend who is also a year older, making her almost 12 now has never ever slept over at any one's home. Not for birthday parties, not for stay-up-all-night watch a movie till you fall asleep full from popcorn nights, not Ever. She doesn't even want to sleep over at her own grandmother's home.

But she always wants Peyton to go to her house for a sleepover. So I let her, but at what point is it too old to still be scared?

It's not like we're strangers. We all go to church together, vacation together, even have been in business together. We, the parents are best friends, our two daughters and their two daughters are best friends. The youngest of their kids- now 8 had no problem sleeping over as early as 6, but the oldest child won't budge.

One time she said she could do it and I ended up calling her sleeping parents at 11:30 at night to drive the equivalent of 45 minutes round trip to come get her so she could sleep in her own bed.

This is where my dilemma begins.

Because I would  have told my child when I got that phone call that they could just tough it out. Basically, I'd have said, "To suck it up and do what you said you were going to do."

 I would not have let my daughter rule the roost so to speak. Now, that being said- if I thought there was a real reason why she was uncomfortable in the home (definitely not in this situation as they know us well and there are no boys in the house or even catty birthday party attendees to make it non-fun) then I would have a different point of view.

But no, the mom got up, drove over and picked up the daughter and took her home where she slept in her own little bed, leaving my daughter to feel like crap because she didn't want to stay with her friend.

That was my second dilemma- trying to ease the mind of my girl, while not making the one going AWOL feel bad for doing it.

My friend who is the mom of "scared child" just says she will eventually come around and I jokingly laugh and say- "well at least you'll save on college dorm rooms if she still sleeps at home."

But the truth is, I'm at the point of where it just makes me go hmmmm. At what age should we worry that our child is that insecure that she can't sleep a night away from mommy and daddy.

They have a solid marriage,so no worries there, and no crazy struggles that could cause fear if she was gone from her bed one night. No one is going to take off in the night and not be there when she returns in the morning.

She simply says she wants to always be at home. She wouldn't do a Christian camp this summer with our children because of course, that would have meant sleeping somewhere strange. She missed out on a wonderful week of fellowship, sports, games and new friends because of her fear.

I've gotten now to the point where we don't even ask the oldest to come over and stay; though the youngest still does. I'm left wondering if some other parents could give me insight into what age their children were allowed to sleep over and at what age the "scared" ones finally left the nest.

And please, I would never advocate allowing any child to attend a sleepover or even a birthday slumber party unless you really know the family. I have often let my daughters go to parties that were supposed to be all night, but made it clear to the parents that though we appreciated the invite, I'd be picking them up before bedtime as I didn't know them well enough to allow them to stay over just yet. One mother totally understood and I invited her to coffee so we could talk and I could get comfortable with her first. I explained I'm not a policeman, but I do want to know what other children, siblings,(especially boys) might be in the home, where they all plan on sleeping, can they call home if they want to leave...those kinds of questions. I've even asked if they have large dogs after learning about one of our friend's children who got her face bitten by a pitbull who was at the home where they dropped her off.

I encourage every parent to do due diligence and ask questions and meet the parents of the kids that are your child's friends. I certainly wouldn't want to be dropped off at a stranger's house and told, "OK, have fun, see you in the morning....."
Would you?

And yet, you'd be surprised at the number of times I've had birthday parties (not sleepovers, but just regular birthday parties at our house) and had the kids walk to the door while the parents were already driving off down the street!

Parent's I'd never even met!

Yet they entrusted me with their beloved child for a minimum of 3 hours and didn't have the decency to come to my door, say hello and leave me an emergency contact number.

I tell you- there's a reason there no tests for motherhood. Too many of them would Fail.

Anyway, thanks for letting me share. That's my hmmmm moment of the week.

But if you do have young children- up to about 2nd grade, and they want to read a good book about fun slumber parties- I encourage you to check out my kids book- Peyton Penguin's Pajama Party- available on kindle and in paperback. http://www.amazon.com/Peyton-Penguins-Pajama-Party-Volume/dp/149472801X
Thanks for reading!
Tammy

Second book in Peyton Penguin series is now on Kindle and in paperback

Hope this book does as well as the first one. I used my same great illustrator- Richie Williams and this book is twice as long and has a lot of children's popular names in it so check it out and see if you see your name.
Penguins Pajama Party